The plane ride

Last week for 5 days I was in the beautiful Orange County to visit my wonderful brother, sister in law and my beautiful  nieces  Brooklyn and Mackenzie. We flew into Long Beach, California and it took us 5 hours on the long plane. In front of me was a beautiful little girl who was talking now to me the whole plane ride there. Her not knowing, her mother talked to me and explained how she doesn't know that she was going to be reviving the surprise of her life and was going to Disneyland. She was so oblivious and her imagination was beyond mine. It showed the innocent mindset children have and see the world in greens and blues. Every little topic I brought up brought excitement to her face. Hiding behind a chair made her giggle. Pen and paper was just enough to keep  her entertained. Most kids today need electronics or constant attention. Her manors we quite exquisite and she had a beautiful vocabulary. I got to thinking and I wondered why she was not obsessed with technology? Why was she different? Will she be forced into that, or will she stick to pen and paper? When she grows what will life become of her? Kids start off so sweet and innocent but then turn into stars, doctors, lawyers and some may even turn into dropouts, drug dealers, prostitutes. It just gets me to thinking that her life at this point in time is so undetermined. She is being raised to success and at such a young age , no older than 3, she already knew her alphabet. I hope Camillia proceeds in life with her imagination and success.

Time to post some of my writing

Untitled (Still don't know what to name it)  ~ Emily Sullivan              
      
      It’s almost impossible to have yourself entirely figured out. It seems as though every day I figure out a new division in my brain that is just waiting to be discovered. Your mind, your imagination, it goes way beyond the four walls that keep you company at night. Your mind has so many different leways, more then the light on your floor shining trough the curtain. It seems as though my brain almost always works backwards.You no longer need to discover the deficits in life because they are handed to you on a silver platter. A much younger me would never be able to have the conversations with myself that I now have on a daily basis. A year ago my mind was merely a blank page. Today I found out my pages are so cluttered Im scripting out random thought on paper towel and on old school desks.Trying to erase pen on paper is almost impossible unless you buy white out. But why clear all the discoveries you have made searching through your brain just so you can follow the hot wire of life. Restrain from association with the poisons' who seek to remodel you. Your brain is a map, just waiting for you to stumble upon a train station to carry you to a new component that makes up you. I'm on that train right now throwing paper out the window to start on a clean slate of discovery. It is not erasing the pages for non existence, it is a dislodge of thoughts for another lost imagination to find.

I usually don't write like this but I felt like it.

Hell week? (I have no idea what this is)

Here we go! I am now performing in a show called The Ring and The Rose written by my very own teacher. I am absolutely in love with the plan and the concept of it. It got me thinking maybe I should start to write my very own play or make a continuation of his. I am just loaded with ideas for this one but it is a little late to voice them. I've been questioning my involvement in the show and weather or not acting is really for me. I love to be on stage and perform. I love to see and hear the enjoyment in the crowd. For some reason when I'm on stage and the lights hit my face my fears go away because you get to put up your very own persona and play a character that you are not. You can make up your own back story and make it your very own. Yet, I have come to realize that I am not really that good. I need to put my efforts into something that I enjoy (whatever that is) and try to pursue in it. When I grow older I want to pursue in something involving the arts and maybe even try more then one career.  As long as there are no boundaries for me and my creativity it is a free world. I won't be doing anything involving the core classes because they are too restricting for me and don't help me achieve what I want to do in life. I have a issue with that because I'm not doing my best in school right now because I feel as though I am not interested and the teachers are not interested in me. There is no connection between my core classes and I. So, I know what I love and what I want to do, I'm just not good at it. I know with work I can be but I'm a little late for that. There are so many things I wish I could of done when I was younger. I wish I could of continued with dance, started gymnastic classes earlier, taken art classes, taken culinary classes, taken more singing and acting classes, read more books. I wish I wasn't so oblivious to the future and what I wanted to do. Life is full of choices and I just don't want to make the wrong one. I am of course still modeling but I'll never be tall enough for it so it's a lost dream. So many aspirations and just not enough of me to fulfill each one. This "Hell week" just started and it already got me thinking. Maybe this has been an on going though in my head  I just didn't know how to voice it till now. At home I don't have much guidance as it is. I have a whole apartment to myself and all I do is sit up here and write. I write till I pass out because it gives me joy somehow to just express all my creativity. My brain is so active that I dream of ideas, even in class I will write down a good one. I have more ideas in my notebooks then actual notes. I just don't know how to contain them I guess and that is something I'm gonna need to work on. I find other adults I feel I can look to for inspiration and guidance in a sense. I feel as though I am a burden to them but for me it means the world and I don't feel they understand. To them I may just be another annoying little kid that complains about their life, but to me it is much more. Wow.. this writing turned into something much more then I expected and I went all the way from Play practice to my personal life. Well, it got a lot off my chest and I feel good. Im done now so you can all stop reading. Bye.

Runway time'

This weekend I had such a amazing experience with Miss New York Teen USA pageant. I won best dressed out of 100 girls and to me that was a accomplishment. No, I didn't win the title which is sad but I am just so happy that I participated in a pageant. I made new friends, old and young, experienced walking in six inch heels, wore clothing I would never dream of and I got a exclusive photo shoot with Vogue and A Marlo Photography. I couldn't be more excited for my photo shoots. I think I may actually be starting a new journey and hopefully that can help me get noticed to do commercials, TV shows, and maybe even a movie. I'm dreaming really big right now but it is possible. I am so lucky to have the support of my friends and family otherwise I wouldn't be where I am today. Surprisingly none of the teen girls tried to sabotage each other, actually we were helping each other. We were zipping other girls dresses, curling each others hair, and even putting butt glue one each others butts so the bating suit wouldn't rise up. Everyone there was just such a sweetheart and we had such an amazing tine. I do believe I am going to try again next year only because I was too young this year. The only winners for the past ten years have been seventeen or older so maybe next year I have a better shot. All I know for sure is that I had so much fun and I have a crown so I won for sure.

What am I doing?

I finally started to venture into the other categories of the arts as in actual art, modeling and writing. I've alway have been interested in acting and I've been doing that for almost seven years. I decided to try something new so instead of just one thing why not try everything. Photography, singing, and make up are not my strong points from what I clearly discovered but now I am exploring other aspects.
     Ever since 9th grade I have been writing and now I actually feel like I can present more of my work. Why? I have no idea but it just seems like something I should do now that I'm in STAC. I write poetry and I have some short stories that I have presented but they aren't great I feel. I have so much to learn but I don't know if writing is for me. I have to many ideas to just sit there and focus on one project, but if I start to many I will get overwhelmed. Also I have a habit of writing something, hating it, and trowing it out because I feel like it is horrible. Then there is my spelling and grammar which is absolutely horrible but thank the lord for spell check and someone I call a mother who is a lawyer.
     Recently I mean like one month ago I was having a fun day with my friend Vika and we discovered that I can draw. It wasn't a first, when I was younger I would always draw and I took every art class in school so I've always been invested in art. For christmas Vika really being the amazing friend she was got me oil paint. I got some canvases and experimented and I had so much fun. Painting is so relaxing and it really got me to focus. I think I want to try to paint more and experiment with art just a little more. All thanks to my lovely friend that supports me and I support her. Go check out her blog because she is absolutely amazing at art.
    Then there was one more left, modeling. Last year I did this program called Barbazon and when you join you give permission for the company to market you're face. The program sent my pictures out and what do you know I got a letter in the mail from Miss New York Teen USA to join there pageant so I decided why not. This photo company that works with Vogue and Donald Trump came and did a photo shoot for all the kids who needed head shots. My head shots were a year old so I decided to take new photos (best decision ever). The company took my photos and they are sending them out everywhere like Vogue and they want me to come back for a second photo shoot which is amazing and I am so excited for it.
     I feel like I am doing so much at the moment, but at the same time I feel like I am doing nothing. I don't know why but I guess I am just so weird because I am doing so much on top of the Spring Play that my teacher is directing. Now that I'm writing all of this out I change my mind about two things. One I am doing so much and maybe for right now I should narrow it down to two or three things. Second is that I do know what I am doing and it is to discover what I am capable of and what I enjoy. If I am not into something or I am done with a project or an activity it becomes obvious with me. I will either not do it or procrastinate so bad it just doesn't become a priority. I definitely have to work on that because I can't always pick and choose what I want to be done with so I'm working on that but, until next time.

Light Show!

Last weekend I saw the most amazing this in the world, a little exaggerated , but still really good. Out in Jones Beach they brought back the Holiday Light show and I felt like I was 7 again. Basically it is a show that you and your family drive through and get to experience exquisite lights formed into photos. You can also go meet Santa, watch a move, warm up by the fire, or go through the maze at the Holiday Inn. Don't forget to put on the radio to 90.5 to listen to some Christmas jams that go with the lights. I was so amazed at the fact that it was brought back because originally it was taken away for a budget cut but I'm not questioning because I am so happy it's back. The best part to me was the move because it was Frozen and how does someone not live that movie, and just driving with my family. I hope to go again and again with friends, family, and whoever has a czar and wants to take me. Until next time go to the Light Show!

Elevators?

You maybe questioning my title but it all has to do with that we are doing in class. Recently we had to write a 25 or 50 second video about an elevator and nothing else. I was some what confused about the whole topic but I ended up going to a creep love story almost my safe box. I don't really feel confident in my story but practice makes perfect right? I wrote a little screenplay to go with it and it really isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I am questioning my 25 second video at the moment and I think I may of made it to hard for myself. I have never filmed nor written something like this and I feel I'm over my head with this one. No seniors will be directing it and it will be all me doing this. It will also be previewed in front of the whole school which makes me so nervous. I don't like it when the class views my work now the whole school has to see it. I think I'm just going to have to go for it and possibly puke everywhere when it's previewed (not literally I hope). Until next time don't stand in the Herricks elevator.