Time to post some of my writing

Untitled (Still don't know what to name it)  ~ Emily Sullivan              
      
      It’s almost impossible to have yourself entirely figured out. It seems as though every day I figure out a new division in my brain that is just waiting to be discovered. Your mind, your imagination, it goes way beyond the four walls that keep you company at night. Your mind has so many different leways, more then the light on your floor shining trough the curtain. It seems as though my brain almost always works backwards.You no longer need to discover the deficits in life because they are handed to you on a silver platter. A much younger me would never be able to have the conversations with myself that I now have on a daily basis. A year ago my mind was merely a blank page. Today I found out my pages are so cluttered Im scripting out random thought on paper towel and on old school desks.Trying to erase pen on paper is almost impossible unless you buy white out. But why clear all the discoveries you have made searching through your brain just so you can follow the hot wire of life. Restrain from association with the poisons' who seek to remodel you. Your brain is a map, just waiting for you to stumble upon a train station to carry you to a new component that makes up you. I'm on that train right now throwing paper out the window to start on a clean slate of discovery. It is not erasing the pages for non existence, it is a dislodge of thoughts for another lost imagination to find.

I usually don't write like this but I felt like it.

Hell week? (I have no idea what this is)

Here we go! I am now performing in a show called The Ring and The Rose written by my very own teacher. I am absolutely in love with the plan and the concept of it. It got me thinking maybe I should start to write my very own play or make a continuation of his. I am just loaded with ideas for this one but it is a little late to voice them. I've been questioning my involvement in the show and weather or not acting is really for me. I love to be on stage and perform. I love to see and hear the enjoyment in the crowd. For some reason when I'm on stage and the lights hit my face my fears go away because you get to put up your very own persona and play a character that you are not. You can make up your own back story and make it your very own. Yet, I have come to realize that I am not really that good. I need to put my efforts into something that I enjoy (whatever that is) and try to pursue in it. When I grow older I want to pursue in something involving the arts and maybe even try more then one career.  As long as there are no boundaries for me and my creativity it is a free world. I won't be doing anything involving the core classes because they are too restricting for me and don't help me achieve what I want to do in life. I have a issue with that because I'm not doing my best in school right now because I feel as though I am not interested and the teachers are not interested in me. There is no connection between my core classes and I. So, I know what I love and what I want to do, I'm just not good at it. I know with work I can be but I'm a little late for that. There are so many things I wish I could of done when I was younger. I wish I could of continued with dance, started gymnastic classes earlier, taken art classes, taken culinary classes, taken more singing and acting classes, read more books. I wish I wasn't so oblivious to the future and what I wanted to do. Life is full of choices and I just don't want to make the wrong one. I am of course still modeling but I'll never be tall enough for it so it's a lost dream. So many aspirations and just not enough of me to fulfill each one. This "Hell week" just started and it already got me thinking. Maybe this has been an on going though in my head  I just didn't know how to voice it till now. At home I don't have much guidance as it is. I have a whole apartment to myself and all I do is sit up here and write. I write till I pass out because it gives me joy somehow to just express all my creativity. My brain is so active that I dream of ideas, even in class I will write down a good one. I have more ideas in my notebooks then actual notes. I just don't know how to contain them I guess and that is something I'm gonna need to work on. I find other adults I feel I can look to for inspiration and guidance in a sense. I feel as though I am a burden to them but for me it means the world and I don't feel they understand. To them I may just be another annoying little kid that complains about their life, but to me it is much more. Wow.. this writing turned into something much more then I expected and I went all the way from Play practice to my personal life. Well, it got a lot off my chest and I feel good. Im done now so you can all stop reading. Bye.